I didn’t expect to feel like this. At all.
When entering the first days of January my only New Year’s resolution was to surrender to the reality of truly not knowing what this year might bring about. Not assuming that I know anything about the future, or anything about what this year will look like. This is the opposite of last year, when by the end of January I had my whole year’s projects planned and dated.
I’m still getting back from India. Although my body is planted solidly and comfortably back in the only place I’ve ever lived, the rest of myself is still sailing through Mysuru on the back of a scooter or walking backward downhill on rocky trails between wild poinsettia and pepper vines in a tropical coffee + ginger + palm tree forest, with people I am so grateful to know, truly asking myself if I’m dreaming or not repetitively with each passing second.
It was a 10-day solo trip, and it meant so much to me to be able to go. I am not sure if it’s the time to write about it in detail yet. For now, I’m revisiting photos I took and feeling all of my feelings ◡̈
In any case, back to how I didn’t expect to feel. Everything in this moment for me feels like a ripened fruit has dropped and a new flower has started in its place.
I didn’t make this happen, it’s just a theme right now, and I am rolling with it.
What it feels like a light and obvious “ah-ha” combined with a deep resonant feeling in my body that my practice for the last 10 years has all been the trial period, the tutorial level, and now is where I really get to begin.
I guess I should say practices, plural! Though in my experience it is all one amalgam.
In 2014 I began a practice as a parent. In 2014 I began practicing Ashtanga daily. In 2014 I quit my other jobs and started my creative business and started taking my solo creative practice more seriously.
All in the same year! It just happened like that. And now it is 2024.
So, some time has passed, and there have been ups and downs and neutrals and a pandemic in the middle. And, I really love my current experience of reflecting on the past decade in a way that is so full of gratitude and reverence but devoid of pressure or assumption. To not put pressure on time spent doing something or loving something, as if it has to mean something about who, what, or where I should be after 10 years.
It was now in all of those moments up until now, and it’s now right in this moment.
It’s always now. All of the time, there is only one moment to be in. And we just can be, and do our best.
Everything is new each day. And for whatever reason, I feel an especially all-around newness in this very moment.
This is where I welcome or re-welcome you to my substack letter ◡̈
Thank you so much for subscribing to Field of Visions. I really love to create and connect through sharing! And the way I really love to share is through long-form content in my own space, on my own terms, free from algorithms and distractions.
On January 31, I am logging out of instagram after saying goodbye there for one last time.
It feels really good. It also almost feels like nothing at all because this has been such a slow burn for me. Instead of leaving something hanging out of a long-expired sense of obligation that I actually don’t really attend to anymore, I’m ready to intentionally snip the last thread clean, with surrender and self-compassion, and to celebrate in the mystery of whatever is to come next.
If you subscribed here from my CTA there, I am SO thankful to be able to share my creative process with you via email and still connect. I am confident this is smoother, more enjoyable, and better for all of our nervous systems. I can at least speak for my own, that is. If you’re new, feel free to browse the archive - this substack is 2 years old!
Although this transition off of social media is somewhat nonchalant, it still holds a lot of meaning for me. More on how this all feels soon.
For now, here is what I plan to keep sharing here this year:
Creative practice and the lessons it teaches me
Juicy details about using natural pigments and making my own paint
Behind the scenes and reflections
Nice images that feel like tactile breaths of fresh air ◡̈
You will know here first when I release new art to purchase
What am I working on creatively in the near future?
Ok, so I do have some plans ;-)
RESIDENCY
It depends on what you consider a residency though! I’m planning a 1 week “at-home art residency”. A period of concentrated study and art-making time where I set business admin aside fully and spend all minutes of my work hours hands-on in the quiet painting studio. I simply want to do this and see what happens. An experiment.
In putting my plan together I realize it might be nice to share my structure that others can use as a template! But not until I do it myself. I will report back on this experience, and likely have a free editable resource to share ♡
SUSTAINABLE ART MAKING DIY
I’m working on a tutorial post about how to make your own paint from your own household materials - I’m starting with wood ash and incense ash. I’ll share it here and on the Worthwhile studio blog, with this hopefully being the first of many!
BEING WITH PIGMENTS
I’m in the most amazing 6 month study group right now with artist and educator working in the fields of wild pigments and social practice, Tilke Elkins. I have admired Tilke’s work so much as I have delved into working with natural materials and visiting deeper what my relationship to land looks and feels like both in my art and life.
I am so excited to learn and grow in a lot new ways this year. ✿
Thank you so much for joining me on my creative journey. I always want to hear from you. Say hi sometime by responding to any email ◡̈
-Kristen
I'm excited for you and inspired by you Kristen! I also started my business 10 years ago and the feeling you described about this moment (every moment!) being ripe with possibility resonates with me. Can't wait to follow you here and enjoy watching you learn and grow and create! ❤️