The forgotten value of the single connection

Celebrate the individual over the many

As inherently creative beings, one of our primal impulses is to connect with others through what we create. I think part of being an artist is relating to and with the world through our art-making and sharing.

So when social media became a part of our world, especially the image-sharing kind, of course it became a rich soil for artists! And not only visual artists, but healers, therapists, musicians, yoga teachers, writers, indie businesses, etc.

I have the incredible blessing of having lots of friends who I get to see frequently in person. Since I got off of social media in January, there have been many times when one of the first things a friend I see asks me is “so, how’s life without social media?”

Spoiler alert, it’s just like regular beautiful ol’ life, but without my sanity, dignity, creativity, self-respect, time management, and attention span at the risk of being fully vaporized at random, star-destroyer style!

(Ok, it really hasn’t been that dramatic, because I wasn’t spending a lot of time there anyway, I really eased out slowly).

Back to the now:

I notice that the most energizing and inspiring thing I have to share in these conversations at this time is this reflection: one single connection is more meaningful than we have been led astray to think, especially in the last 10 years.

I have concluded recently that we (we, as in anyone who has participated in “growing an audience” on a social media platform or otherwise) seem to have semi-forgotten the incredible value and meaning and magic and excitement and possibility that one single connection contains.

What do I mean by that? I mean, social media has conditioned a lot of us to celebrate only high numbers. I hear people talking only in the hundreds and thousands (and even hundreds of thousands) when referencing the number of online connections that means something good in regard to their art or business accounts, and I have heard far too many times how people don’t feel like they are relevant, good enough, loved enough, talented enough, worthy enough, ready enough, or successful enough if they “only” have “a few hundred followers”.

Let’s take a moment for some quick notes here:

1. I feel icky reducing human beings to “followers”. Not only does the capitalist standard of accumulating social currency for power make me vom in my mouth a little (sorry), but also I am not an aspiring cult leader. I don’t want to be followed, I want to be connected with! ʘ‿ʘ

2. A few hundred human beings interested in what you are sharing is a lot of human beings! To have 100, or heck, even 10 people who are aligned with your life’s work, witnessing you, cheering you on and connecting with your art (or product, or service, or whatever you are putting out there) is actually something to celebrate, to be really content with, and to be grateful for!

3. Like I said at the end of this podcast, numbers that accumulate over time can be deceiving. When I disengaged from my instagram business account with 58K followers, at the time, I was being connected with by 0-10 people any time I posted, and about 300 people viewed my stories. Even though that’s a mere fraction of “my” “following” (again, ew), 300 is actually a large number of individuals, and I am grateful for every single person who cared enough about my work to witness my process and what I was sharing.

It becomes painful and discouraging to think of our creative worth in terms of big numbers, and I guess what I am saying is this:

◡̈ We Really Don’t Need To Do That Anymore ◡̈

Or ever again. It’s an illusion. We don’t need thousands of anything in order to succeed, feel truly connected, to live a creative and fulfilling life in connection with others. This veil is waiting to be transcended by anyone who wants to. I know it’s scary and hard to believe, but I know you know it. I can see it crumbling before my very own eyes everywhere. We can officially awaken and let go.

Let yourself be light. Let your expectations soften. Maybe shrinking our worlds back down to a reasonable human-heart-appropriate size a little is very healthy. Or not striving to expand them to a global size. Here’s your permission and encouragement to relax around the high numbers and find so much sweetness in the individuals.

I am a bit humbled to think that I did experience my connections as a forest of hundreds at some point. But I am not ashamed to admit this, because I know this way of seeing is what was delivered to me. It’s not that I didn’t value each connection before now of course, but I am noticing lately this added flavor, a feeling of return, but with something new. There is eagerness, and excitement about ONE single connection, and that it feels like I’m remembering the truth of that as something worth being excited about. ONE feels bigger now, it feels like I felt when I just started my business and just started making art, but with even more of an appreciation, given the dystopian alternative.

YOU reading this right now, it is so insanely meaningful to me. The fact that YOU opened this message. ♡

The positive feeling I have from knowing the meaning of one relationship was simply never attained through a large number. Hence why it is so easy for me to not be attached to that 58K number. I celebrate every individual that I speak with, and feeling how meaningful each interaction is, both old and new. One message in my inbox from a new person, or one new friend I meet and share about my work with (and learn about theirs). These connections mean something so much bigger than any number that ends with a K.

A single connection is also worth actively pursuing. Reaching out to someone else, just one person, is a wonderfully rewarding thing. Them responding is a borderline stars-aligned miracle at this point. Think about one single connection in your life that has made a lot of difference for your life path. That is one person. One person who helped create magic and meaning for you, or maybe even changed your life.

To initiate a single interaction with a single person without expecting anything in return is even better. Tell someone you enjoy their work just for the joy of making that fact known to them. Ask someone if they want to collaborate with you. Invite a new friend over for a craft night. Make intimate connection appreciation a part of your creative practice. Feel how impactful it is. Need nothing more.

Life is so short, friends. Let’s spend it loving one another individually.

✿ + ✿ = ◯

My friend Tamara caught me feeling tender.

With you in lightness, with you in abundance beyond our wildest imaginations,

♡ Kristen

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