How do I balance it all?

Art, motherhood, learning, service, business, self-care, home, friendship, projects, being…

Happy April ☼

Spring energy is among us! I’m feeling mildly awakened. I’ve been busy! And now I am happy to write to you.

What element do you think of when you think of balance?

I think of water.

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Something I was asked recently as someone who is multi passionate and also a business owner and a parent among other things: how do you balance it all?

The answer is, I don’t.

And I love this.

Something is always out of balance, all of the time, and I think that makes life compelling. It keeps me an interested participant in the art of living.

Each day is a beautiful reality of not tending to what I am unable to tend to at any given moment. There is always a moment I am in, which means there are many moments I am not in. That is just the case. I foresee many things waiting for me later and I know that later means not now. I can be patient, while being present where I am in the actual now. When something is left un-tended to, that’s normal. I can only be in one moment.

I don’t know how it got this way.

I noticed this happening this week, when I knew I needed to finish some new artwork (24 pieces to be exact, I am very excited to show you, it’s a little different!) and even though it has been a slow process and there was a deadline for a show (this friday, omg), I somehow knew it would be fine and that I would get it done. I wasn’t even stressed or panicked. I didn’t even sacrifice my entire wellbeing.

How has this happened? I think I have earned my own trust.

(And I did get the pieces done. The final ingredient was a partially eaten strawberry. It will make sense later…)

The right time for everything is not always now, even though we often feel it is.

The acceptance of fluid reality.

There is no such thing as solid, unchanging balance. That is actually just stagnation!

Balance, on the other hand, is like a watery dance, always in motion.

Water is never in a fixed state. It moves and takes new forms by the way of gravity, filling available empty open spaces with least resistance. Water also changes form. It freezes, melts, evaporates, erodes, swells, and recedes. It is important to remember that through the fluctuations, water is always in its own wholeness no matter its temporary states.

The forces that inspire water to be in a dynamic of both change and wholeness is similar to what acts upon our minds and hearts in every minute, as we are pulled and pushed toward and away from parts of our lives. I see an image of water sloshing around into different areas of a horizontal plane that is always gently wobbling. Here, then there, now over there. Never too stagnant. Never too erratic. Just enough movement. Always the same water.

Balance as a verb

I am learning that we shouldn’t see balance as a noun when it better serves our life practice as a verb. Balance really can’t be a solid thing, because then it loses its balance-ness, its property of endless correction and counter-correction. And this is precisely what we need to know so that we can be existing comfortably and contently within a continual trusting act of balancing.

Try standing on one foot, sense the micro movements reverberating through all of those sensitive nerve endings. Notice how your center of gravity changes with your breath. Realize it’s impossible to be fully still.

This is really bringing me joy!

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As much as I could constantly chase the unattainable carrot of being fulfilled everywhere all at once, the reality is that all of our responsibilities in life expand and contract, and so do our capacities.

Instead of balancing it all, I am learning to trust the imbalance, becoming more comfortable in the fluidity, knowing I do my best work when I honor the nature of the larger process. I trust that by arriving where and when I am needed most it means I am able to meet each present moment with my undivided attention.

Trust is clearly my answer.

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Creative practice is only one piece of my life ecosystem. It’s easy to think someone who makes art and has a creative business gets to be creative and have fun all of the time! But I don’t, I just do it enough sometimes for it to have a continual place in my life.

Many people dream of making creative expression a regular part of daily life, but feel like it’s impossible. I hear it all of the time and I have felt it myself. I totally get it. Life pulls us in so many directions, many of them so easy to prioritize over creative time, which can feel like a luxury to some.

But here’s the thing. Without creative time (or replace this with anything fun, meaningful and personally fulfilling) in your life, are your other responsibilities really in an untouchable state of balance? Will the introduction of creative expression and time spent making art really be the only thing that throws a wrench into your otherwise perfectly balanced life? Ah, I bet not! Right?

You can do it. You can have the experience you want. At least sometimes.

Sometimes is enough.

When we let go of the idea that balance is fragile and perfect, we make space to appreciate that life is messy, life is trial and response, life is a certainly a balancing act of fluctuation. This is the absolute perfection of it all.

Trust this with me?

I hope you’re having a wonderful start to spring, I am so excited about the flowers. Finally. ✿

In infinite fluidity,

♡ -Kristen