There is a universal truth that I am in an cyclic game of inner lost-and-found with. It is the reminder that there is no destination reached that will truly result in fulfillment. We’ve all heard it ~ the life is in the journey, not the destination ~. I know that sounds cliché, because it is, but it really is such a truth.
Although I know this truth deeply, I confess that I still catch myself in the illusion of thinking that if my creative practice resulted in (insert desired outcome), then I would be suddenly fulfilled and officially a legitimate artist.
Ha!
By noticing those thoughts, it allows me to wake up again and remember that the potential for fulfillment is not determined by reaching material destinations. Perhaps fulfillment is not a result of action, but fulfillment is the action, in a moment to moment vibration, happening while we are experiencing our practice in real time.
Dreamy destinations are nice, but yearning for them doesn’t have to be what fuels the practice, and arriving at them (or not) doesn’t need to be the way we measure worth in ourselves. As discovered in my short list of alternative beliefs:
There is no destination.
Fulfillment is hidden in the present moment.
The destination is you, and you are now.
Practice is now.
Destination is a distraction.
You are already legitimate because you exist, as you are, where you are.
I question why it is that I need these reminders, but instead of creating a story about my imperfectness, it helps to take a step back and validate this experience. Yearning to feel a sense of belonging, chasing progress, wanting to prove ourselves - these feel to me like normal human heart impulses, even if they don’t always serve the higher good. When I feel them arise in creative practice, I can easily accept it because it feels inevitable. When we create something and place it in any type of context outside ourselves, our core desires to feel important may translate to a feeling of wanting our art - an extension of our intentions and actions and universe knows what else - to also feel important.
It does not make you a shallow person if you have feelings of wanting to get somewhere with your creative practice. Also, it helps to remember we exist in within capitalist conditioning. Try not to judge yourself. The thing is, the feeling of seeking an outcome is just a normal part of the spectrum of living experience, and more importantly a feeling does not alone determine who we are or how good we are in the world, but how we perceive and act upon the feeling is what can really make a difference.
My simple advice to myself and to you dear reader: Engage only with creative opportunities that genuinely interest you, not opportunities that only sound exciting because they feel like they will get you to validating destination. Notice, notice, notice, and use the moments you notice as opportunities to re-focus on the deep whys of your creative practice.
It is easier said than done to put your heart out there and then still feel wonderful if you get rejected. It’s a lot to ask of our vulnerable inner children. I know it sounds like an alternate reality to be so unattached to outcomes of our creative endeavors, and to have abundant self-worth independent from reaching goals, but let’s choose to believe this is at least probably possible and go from there.
I often wonder if the real practice isn’t the actual art making, it’s all of the emotional excavation. Some days my creative practice is just this right here. Writing this. Observing the inner lava lamp. Watching the questions and answers churning up more questions and answers.
Ask yourself, what is the real root of the feeling of longing to get to a certain point? Where does that story come from? How can you meet your creative fulfillment on a deeper, softer, everyday kind of level?
P.S. No one is a loser for having goals. Goals are worth having. Let’s just not let our self-worth and happiness hinge on whether to not we reach them, see?
I am currently practicing this as I enter my paintings into a couple of juried shows for the first time ever because why not. Spooky!
♡
keep practicing
-Kristen
P.S. this is ironic timing to share that I have been featured in one of my favorite creativity magazines: UPPERCASE. An expanded and edited version of my Field of Visions post Practice as a Garden and a few of my paintings are in the Spring issue: Nurture Your Creativity. UPPERCASE has been nurturing my creativity for years, so I was thrilled when Janine wrote to me and offered to feature my work in it. It was so organic! I couldn’t have imagined or set a goal for anything in this newsletter to be published so beautifully in this way. Another great reminder to just do what sets your heart on fire and maybe something cool will happen out of the blue! You know? I was already “fulfilled” when I pressed send on that post and while I was writing it, and this is a wonderful bonus I couldn’t have seen coming.
And guess what, Janine let me share this code with you. You can subscribe (starting with this current issue!) for $15 off if you use the code brightspot.
Thank you so much, Kristen. You put so much thoughtfulness and heart into everything you do!
I really, really needed to hear "there is no destination." Thank you, Kristen.